


wilting lungs

by blackxpaladins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Endgame Sheith, Hanahaki Disease, Implied one-sided attraction, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pre-Kerberos Mission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackxpaladins/pseuds/blackxpaladins
Summary: Flower petals, he stared at them disbelievingly, his brain refusing to accept what he was seeing. A hundred excuses instantly spring to his mind as to what could have caused this, but he knew why this was happening to him.A month after the Kerberos mission launches, Keith finds out he's developed Hanahaki.





	1. Chapter 1

The dorm room is quiet except for the scritch scratching of Keith’s pen.

He’s in the middle of completing the homework that Iverson assigned them that day, when he suddenly feels a burning sensation crawl up the back of his throat. His chest suddenly feels tight and a forceful cough shakes his whole body.  _It feels like something is about to burst out of his throat_. 

Textbooks are knocked over in his haste to rush over to the bathroom provided for the floor of the Garrison barracks he resides in. Keith barely manages to reach the sink before the coughing worsens to the point that he’s bent over it, hands desperately clutching at the ceramic to support himself. The scorching sensation seems to only worsen as he tries to heave up whatever got stuck in his throat.

After an eternity of trying to cough up what feels like an entire lung, Keith finally manages to spit it out. He stays slumped over the sink for a few moments, chest rattling with each wheezing breath he takes. His eyes are still clenched in pain, and the metallic taste of blood lingers on his tongue.

Raising a shaky hand to wipe away the blood on his lip, he finally opens his eyes to look at what caused this whole painful experience. Blood splattered petals lay at the bottom of the sink, seemingly innocuous despite the fact that the sight of them just twisted his whole world on its axis.

 _Flower petals,_ he stares at them disbelievingly, his brain refusing to accept what he is seeing. A hundred excuses instantly spring to his mind as to what could have caused this, but he knew why this was happening to him.  _Hanahaki, a disease in which unrequited love manifests itself by growing flowers in your lungs, slowly suffocating you from the inside._

His knuckles turn white from the unforgiving grip he has on the sink. Keith stares at the soft petals, his death sentence, as they taunt him from the basin. There was no way this was happening to him.  _He didn’t want this to happen to him._

Keith had seen his father go through this. Had seen the life in his eyes slowly fade into a haunting emptiness with each bloodied flower that he had coughed up after Keith’s mother had abandoned them. It had continued that way,the flowers consuming his father until he wasted away, leaving Keith with nothing to cling to. Keith had sworn to himself then, that he would never let that happen to him. He would never let anyone get close enough so as to be able to completely destroy him from the inside like that.

And he had tried. Keith had tried so hard to build up walls to protect himself from the heartache, but of course.

_Then he met Shiro._

Shiro, who smiled warmly at him, despite Keith’s frigid demeanor. Shiro, who had never-ending belief in Keith, despite all of the trouble he caused him. Shiro, who had always supported him, helping him with whatever problem Keith had. He accepted Keith for who he was and didn’t attempt to change him like the Garrison did. 

 _Shiro, who rather than attempt to barge past Keith's walls, waited patiently until he was accepted inside without Keith even noticing. Shiro managed to settle so deeply under his skin, and made himself at home in Keith’s heart so that Keith couldn’t imagine a life before meeting him._ It’s no surprise really, that he would be the reason Keith broke his own promise to himself.

He didn’t know what to do.

Keith hadn’t even realised his feelings towards Shiro ran deeper than that of a best friend. He had thought that what he and Shiro had now would be enough,  _but apparently he was too greedy for that._ Keith wanted Shiro to care about him as much as he cared about Shiro. He wanted their time together to hold the same importance to Shiro as they did to him. For Shiro’s focus on him to mean something, past him just being a good man who saw potential in an underclassman. For the heated glances, exchanged in between playful sparring, to be more than just adrenaline and the heat of the moment.

For the soft whispers shared at night under the stars, heads bent together as they pointed out constellations and shared secrets and dreams, to linger on Shiro’s mind as long as they do on Keith’s.  _He wanted to make as big of an impact on Shiro’s life as Shiro had made on his._ His life would’ve been so different, had he not met Shiro. And he can only hope that his presence in Shiro’s life won’t be temporary.

Shit.  _Shiro._

How is he going to tell Shiro about this? _Should he even tell him?_ What if it’ll make Shiro uncomfortable? He doesn’t think he’d be able to handle it, losing what they have just because Keith couldn’t control his feelings. Not to mention that Shiro was currently in space, in the middle of the mission of his dreams. Telling him right now would only make him worry for Keith, when he should be focusing on the mission.

 _That’s just how Shiro is,_ Keith thought fondly. He always worries about other people, wanting to reach out a helping hand to everyone—as expected of the Garrison Golden Boy. But Keith could see how that weighed down on him.

He saw it in the tense lines around Shiro’s eyes whenever he was around other people, never truly comfortable with the attention or the expectations. How Shiro always held himself up to such high standards that he’d run himself ragged. Always aiming for perfection—or as near to it as any person could get.

In the way the weight of the worries and responsibilities seemed to melt off of Shiro’s shoulders when Keith dragged him out into the oppressive heat of the barren desert surrounding the base, the sun burning the backs of their necks as they rode around on Keith’s hoverbike. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the feeling of Shiro’s smiling lips pressing into his shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around Keith and warm laughter echoing in Keith’s ears.

Keith knows how important being chosen as the pilot for the Kerberos mission had been for Shiro. The grin that grew on Shiro’s lips at the announcement was only barely contained,and when they finally managed to get some privacy Keith had found himself lifted off his feet in an elated hug and spun around, Shiro practically vibrating in happiness.

He didn’t want to ruin that.

Keith loved him with every fiber of his being, there was no way he would let himself be the reason Shiro lost that soft smile. The pain of coughing up all the flowers in the world would never be enough of a reason to ruin Shiro’s happiness.  _Nothing was worth Shiro’s pain._

Keith is snapped out of his reverie when he hears the sound of a door slamming out in the hallway. He quickly turns on the water to wash away the evidence of what happened and makes sure he has no blood on his lips, before exiting the bathroom.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Finding out about his flowery situation those few months ago hasn’t changed much about the dull routine of Keith’s life.

Most of his time is still spent either in class, listening to the droning voice of his professors, or tearing his way through Shiro’s high scores in the sims; clawing his way up the ranks. Sometimes he’ll let off some steam by exercising in the gym, or attempt to complete his homework and promptly fail when his thoughts will, without fail, pivot to their one constant: Shiro.

Keith should probably be worried, that his thoughts could be so constantly ravaged by one person; however, Shiro is just so deeply intertwined in Keith’s life that attempting to pull him out would be as easy as trying to pull out a tree’s roots with your bare hands. He is the only person in the Garrison that Keith knows he can trust. Shiro seems to have seen something in Keith that no one else has—or even bothered to _try_ and see—and decided that Keith is worth the effort of getting to know despite his prickly nature. Decided that Keith’s temper didn’t eclipse everything else about him.

Sadly though, no matter how much Shiro encourages it, Keith just can’t trust other people like that. It’s not that he dislikes them, or would mind finding another person to trust. But he can’t trust people right off the bat the way Shiro does, and most people have a problem with that.

He’ll try to converse with people, but his reticence will come across as disinterest or like he’s looking to pick a fight. _Like that one guy that always seems to challenge him, dubbing him his rival like they’re in some sort of anime,_ he thinks wryly.

He’s making his way back to his room after having dinner in the mess hall, hoping that whatever was in that meatloaf won’t disagree with his stomach. He's just about to pass the common room when he notices how crowded it is and slows to a stop.

Cadets and officers alike gathered around the single TV provided by the garrison, the sound of whispering filling the room. _Did something happen?_ Keith wonders, curious but not willing to get into the thick of the crowd. He contemplates just leaving, but his ears pick up the mention of the Kerberos mission, instantly getting his attention.

 _Shiro’s mission?_ Keith’s head perks up.

He quickly shuffles closer to the TV, managing to slip in between people quite easily. They were all completely focused on the TV, the sound of the news bulletin hard to hear amidst the noise of the cadets. Finally managing to get close enough to see what was going on, he comes to a stop when he sees a familiar face staring at him from the screen.

“—Garrison mission to the distant moon of Kerberos is missing and all crew members are believed to be dead,” states the distant voice of the announcer, continuing on as if her words hadn’t just completely crumbled his whole world.

Keith freezes, a sudden chill gripping his whole body, spreading down to the bones. Time crawls to a complete stop.

 _...Dead? Shiro’s_ —

“The Galaxy Garrison has said the crash was presumably caused by pilot error—”

The words keep ringing in his ears. The previously clamorous noise of the surrounding cadets abruptly muted. Keith attempts to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat, but it feels like it’s completely closed off.

_“Pilot error,”_

Keith’s chest suddenly feels too tight; like a fist is squeezing his heart. His breathing picks up, mouth desperately gasping for air, but every attempt to take a breath feels like fire is devouring his lungs.

_“Pilot error,”_

His shaky hands are clammy, nails digging painful crescents into his palms. Shiro’s face on the screen is blurring.

_**“** Pilot error, **”**_

The rapid thudding of his heart pounds in his ears, feeling like it’s about to burst out of his ribcage.

An overwhelmingly heavy sense of dread weighs on his shoulder as if his whole quaking body is about to collapse on itself. _There’s no way Shiro would’ve caused that, not Shiro._

He hears a faint murmuring, but can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. Keith tries to focus on sucking in gasping breaths of air, but his brain just keeps plaguing him with images of Shiro floating in the dead of space; his body probably long gone cold, scattered around the empty void like ashes in the wind, nothing left of him to save.

Keith involuntarily lets out a choked sob at the thought.

 _“_ Are you okay, man? _”_ someone’s voice calls out close by, but the tears keep distorting his vision. He can only make out the blurry shape of a seemingly big man, the muddy features indistinct except for the glaringly orange headband he's wearing, which sticks out in contrast.

 _“_ Do you need me to take you to the nurse? _”_ Keith blinks, not comprehending what’s being asked as he keeps thinking about Shiro dead— _dead, dead he’s **dead** and he’s never coming back to Keith, he’s been left all alone again_ —

A warm, big hand wraps around his wrist. Keith instantly flinches at the sensation and tries to squirm out of the hold, but it persists, gently leading his trembling body elsewhere. He can’t gather the strength to fight the person, too weak and still struggling to gain enough control of his body so that he can breathe properly again. An immeasurable amount of time passes before the hand suddenly lets him go, a new voice joining the first in muted whispers. He stands there in a daze, still panting for air when the new voice grows louder.

“Cadet Kogane? Can you understand me?” Keith’s blurry vision shifts to the source. A fuzzy figure, slighter than the previous one fills his sight. He squints against the brightly lit room.

“I need you to take slow, deep breaths just like me, okay?" the voice calls out. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, just try to take deep breaths."

Struggling to shakily comply with the request, he attempts to empty his mind from anything except breathing and the steady voice speaking to him. He takes a few deep, trembling breaths.

“That's it, keep breathing slowly."

Keith coughs through the labored breaths, finally being able to fill his burning lungs with some much-needed air. His vision clears a bit, letting him make out the features of the woman standing in front of him. She’s wearing scrubs, her hair in a tight ponytail, and a serious expression is painted on her face as she regards him.

“Are you able to breathe easier now?” she asks. A shaky nod is all he can give at the moment, throat still feeling swollen. He doubts he’ll be able to muster enough energy for a single sound at the moment.

At the nod, the nurse proceeds to lead him over to the bed and gives him a firm order to rest, closing the curtain around the bed to give him some privacy.

Shakily, he plants himself on the bed, trembling arms struggling to hold him upright. Unbidden, thoughts of Shiro creep back into the forefront of his brain, like a barely healing scab being picked at continuously, and Keith has to choke back a strangled sob before he starts crying all over again in the infirmary.

 _Shiro couldn’t have done that._ he thinks, brain frantically trying to find an excuse. _There’s no way he would've made such a serious mistake_ —

He stills.

Shiro _couldn’t_ have caused that. He had trained so hard, and so long for this mission. Long days and nights spent reading and practicing in preparation for it, simulation runs meticulously completed with little to no errors, textbook rules and techniques diligently read over and over again. Shiro had thoroughly prepared himself for this mission, despite already being an accomplished pilot. He hadn’t wanted to risk it. Spaceflight wasn’t the safest way to travel, and being unprepared for all of the possibilities could lead to potential danger.

The real cause could’ve been anything from a minor error in the way the space shuttle was built to something going horribly wrong on Kerberos itself. The Garrison probably didn't care, shifting all the blame onto the pilot so that they could deflect any criticism.

 _How could they do that to Shiro? After everything he had done for this place_. Keith scowled, a storm brewing in his mind at the newfound realization. Shiro had been the Garrison’s Golden Boy. They’d treated him like their pride and joy, like he was their biggest accomplishment—right until it fit their needs to throw him away like yesterdays trash, as if he didn't matter at _all_. Like he wasn't the _best damned thing in this entire place_.

They had given up on him, but Keith wouldn’t.

Shiro had never given up on him, and Keith was never going to give up on him. He was going to find out what really happened to the Kerberos mission, and to Shiro, no matter how long or _what_ it took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /grovels  
> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! I was away for a while and didn't have access to a pc, but I hope this'll be partially worth the wait-  
> I don't know anything about space school,,, please don't throw pitch forks at me for anything wrong on that front fsjklgds  
> Many thanks again to my beta Mia for dealing with my whining all the time!!! you're an angel <333

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic so please be gentle!!  
> I don't know how AO3 formatting works //sobs  
> Many thanks to Mia who beta'd this for me <3 <3


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